I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
