i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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