Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
