I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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