The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
