Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
