fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
