You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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