So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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