I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
