mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
