i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
