I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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