Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
