Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
