There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
