I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
