well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
