More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
