He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
