I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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