You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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