Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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