Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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