I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
