i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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