hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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