It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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