just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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