So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can I color on your dick again?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
