I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
