I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize