Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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