I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
