M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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