He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
