I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
