You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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