I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
