Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
