A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
