I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize