you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
