Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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