Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
