just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
