You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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