I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
