Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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