worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
