I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
