Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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