Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
