I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
