Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I party with great urgency now.
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