Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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