I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
