i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
