I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
