look no pants
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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