There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize