i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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