Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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