Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
