Life is so much better after having sex.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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