Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
