Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize