i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
