i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
