He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize