So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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