I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
