just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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