I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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