im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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