Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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