She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize