when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
