I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
