I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
