Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize