No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
