The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
