Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
