I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
