his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
